#BSD%!07/11 PDP a ni deppart m'I  !pleH
#BSD%(1) Alexander the Great was a great general.
 (2) Great generals are forewarned.
 (3) Forewarned is forearmed.
 (4) Four is an even number.
 (5) Four is certainly an odd number of arms for a man to have.
 (6) The only number that is both even and odd is infinity.
 
 Therefore, Alexander the Great had an infinite number of arms.
#BSD%(1) Everything depends.
 (2) Nothing is always.
 (3) Everything is sometimes.
#BSD%1.79 x 10^12 furlongs per fortnight -- it's not just a good idea, it's
 the law!
#BSD%10.0 times 0.1 is hardly ever 1.0.
#BSD%100 buckets of bits on the bus	
 100 buckets of bits
 Take one down, short it to ground
 FF buckets of bits on the bus	
 
 FF buckets of bits on the bus	
 FF buckets of bits
 Take one down, short it to ground
 FE buckets of bits on the bus	
 
 ad infinitum...
#BSD%$100 invested at 7 interest for 100 years will become $100,000, at
 which time it will be worth absolutely nothing.
 		-- Lazarus Long, "Time Enough for Love"
#BSD% 
 101 USES FOR A DEAD MICROPROCESSOR
 	(1)  Scarecrow for centipedes
 	(2)  Dead cat brush
 	(3)  Hair barrettes
 	(4)  Cleats
 	(5)  Self-piercing earrings
 	(6)  Fungus trellis
 	(7)  False eyelashes
 	(8)  Prosthetic dog claws
         .
         .
         .
 	(99)  Window garden harrow (pulled behind Tonka tractors)
 	(100) Killer velcro
 	(101) Currency
#BSD%186,282 miles per second:
 
 It isn't just a good idea, it's the law!
#BSD%2180, U.S. History question:
 	What 20th Century U.S. President was almost impeached and what
 	office did he later hold?
#BSD%$3,000,000
#BSD%"355/113 -- Not the famous irrational number PI, but an incredible
 simulation!"
#BSD%43rd Law of Computing:
 	Anything that can go wr
 fortune: Segmentation violation -- Core dumped
#BSD%77.  HO HUM -- The Redundant
 
 ------- (7)	This hexagram refers to a situation of extreme
 --- --- (8)	boredom.  Your programs always bomb off.  Your wife
 ------- (7)	smells bad.  Your children have hives.  You are working
 ---O--- (6)	on an accounting system, when you want to develop the
 ---X--- (9)	GREAT AMERICAN COMPILER.  You give up hot dates to
 --- --- (8)	nurse sick computers.  What you need now is sex.
 
 Nine in the second place means:
 	The yellow bird approaches the malt shop.  Misfortune.
 
 Six in the third place means:
 	In former times men built altars to honor the Internal Revenue
 	Service.  Great Dragons!  Are you in trouble!
#BSD%7:30, Channel 5: The Bionic Dog (Action/Adventure)
 	The Bionic Dog drinks too much and kicks over the National
 	Redwood Forest.
#BSD%7:30, Channel 5: The Bionic Dog (Action/Adventure)
 	The Bionic Dog gets a hormonal short-circuit and violates the
 	Mann Act with an interstate Greyhound bus.
#BSD%99 blocks of crud on the disk,
 99 blocks of crud!
 You patch a bug, and dump it again:
 100 blocks of crud on the disk!
 
 100 blocks of crud on the disk,
 100 blocks of crud!
 You patch a bug, and dump it again:
 101 blocks of crud on the disk! ...
#BSD%A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better and greater than a
 "Yes" merely uttered to please, or what is worse, to avoid trouble.
 		-- Mahatma Ghandi
#BSD%A [golf] ball hitting a tree shall be deemed not to have hit the tree.
 Hitting a tree is simply bad luck and has no place in a scientific
 game.  The player should estimate the distance the ball would have
 traveled if it had not hit the tree and play the ball from there,
 preferably atop a nice firm tuft of grass.
 		-- Donald A. Metz
#BSD%A [golf] ball sliced or hooked into the rough shall be lifted and
 placed in the fairway at a point equal to the distance it carried or
 rolled into the rough.  Such veering right or left frequently results
 from friction between the face of the club and the cover of the ball
 and the player should not be penalized for the erratic behavior of the
 ball resulting from such uncontrollable physical
 phenomena.
 		-- Donald A. Metz
#BSD%A baby is an alimentary canal with a loud voice at one end and no
 responsibility at the other.
#BSD%A baby is God's opinion that the world should go on.
 		-- Carl Sandburg
#BSD%A bachelor is a selfish, undeserving guy who has cheated some woman out
 of a divorce.
 		-- Don Quinn
#BSD%A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining
 and wants it back the minute it begins to rain.
 		-- Mark Twain
#BSD%A billion here, a couple of billion there -- first thing you know it
 adds up to be real money.
 		-- Senator Everett McKinley Dirksen
#BSD%A bird in the bush usually has a friend in there with him.
#BSD%A bird in the hand is worth what it will bring.
#BSD%A bird in the hand makes it awfully hard to blow your nose.
#BSD%... A booming voice says, "Wrong, cretin!", and you notice that you
 have turned into a pile of dust.
#BSD%A bore is someone who persists in holding his own views after we have
 enlightened him with ours.
#BSD%A budget is just a method of worrying before you spend money, as well
 as afterward.
#BSD%A candidate is a person who gets money from the rich and votes from the
 poor to protect them from each other.
#BSD%A celebrity is a person who is known for his well-knownness.
#BSD%A child can go only so far in life without potty training.  It is not
 mere coincidence that six of the last seven presidents were potty
 trained, not to mention nearly half of the nation's state legislators.
 		-- Dave Barry
#BSD%A child of 5 could understand this!  Fetch me a child of 5.
#BSD%A chubby man with a white beard and a red suit will approach you soon.
 Avoid him.  He's a Commie.
#BSD%A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but
 won't cross the street to vote in a national election.
 		-- Bill Vaughan
#BSD%A city is a large community where people are lonesome together
 		-- Herbert Prochnow
#BSD%A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody
 wants to read.
 		-- Mark Twain
#BSD%A closed mouth gathers no foot.
#BSD%A computer, to print out a fact,
 Will divide, multiply, and subtract.
 	But this output can be
 	No more than debris,
 If the input was short of exact.
 		-- Gigo
#BSD%A conclusion is simply the place where someone got tired of thinking.
#BSD%A CONS is an object which cares.
 		-- Bernie Greenberg.
#BSD%A consultant is a person who borrows your watch, tells you what time it
 is, pockets the watch, and sends you a bill for it.
#BSD%A continuing flow of paper is sufficient to continue the flow of paper.
 		-- Dyer
#BSD%A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats.
 		-- Ben Franklin
#BSD%A crusader's wife slipped from the garrison
 And had an affair with a Saracen.
 	She was not oversexed,
 	Or jealous or vexed,
 She just wanted to make a comparison.
#BSD%A cynic is a person searching for an honest man, with a stolen
 lantern.
 		-- Edgar A. Shoaff
#BSD%A day for firm decisions!!!!!  Or is it?
#BSD%A day without sunshine is like night.
#BSD%A diplomat is a man who can convince his wife she'd look stout in a fur
 coat.
#BSD%A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that
 you will look forward to the trip.
#BSD%	A disciple of another sect once came to Drescher as he was
 eating his morning meal.  "I would like to give you this personality
 test", said the outsider, "because I want you to be happy."
 	Drescher took the paper that was offered him and put it into
 the toaster -- "I wish the toaster to be happy too".
#BSD%A diva who specializes in risqu'e arias is an off-coloratura soprano ...
#BSD%	A doctor, an architect, and a computer scientist were arguing
 about whose profession was the oldest.  In the course of their
 arguments, they got all the way back to the Garden of Eden, whereupon
 the doctor said, "The medical profession is clearly the oldest, because
 Eve was made from Adam's rib, as the story goes, and that was a simply
 incredible surgical feat."
 	The architect did not agree.  He said, "But if you look at the
 Garden itself, in the beginning there was chaos and void, and out of
 that, the Garden and the world were created.  So God must have been an
 architect."
 	The computer scientist, who had listened to all of this said,
 "Yes, but where do you think the chaos came from?"
#BSD%A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.
 		-- Ogden Nash
#BSD%A dozen, a gross, and a score,
 Plus three times the square root of four,
 	Divided by seven,
 	Plus five time eleven,
 Equals nine squared plus zero, no more.
#BSD%A famous Lisp Hacker noticed an Undergraduate sitting in front of a
 Xerox 1108, trying to edit a complex Klone network via a browser.
 Wanting to help, the Hacker clicked one of the nodes in the network
 with the mouse, and asked "what do you see?"  Very earnestly, the
 Undergraduate replied "I see a cursor."  The Hacker then quickly
 pressed the boot toggle at the back of the keyboard, while
 simultaneously hitting the Undergraduate over the head with a thick
 Interlisp Manual.  The Undergraduate was then Enlightened.
#BSD%A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the
 subject.
 		-- Winston Churchill
#BSD%A fool must now and then be right by chance.
#BSD%A fool's brain digests philosophy into folly, science into
 superstition, and art into pedantry.  Hence University education.
 		-- G. B. Shaw
#BSD%A fool-proof method for sculpting an elephant: first, get a huge block
 of marble; then you chip away everything that doesn't look like an
 elephant.
#BSD%A formal parsing algorithm should not always be used.
 		-- D. Gries
#BSD%A free society is one where it is safe to be unpopular.
 		-- Adlai Stevenson
#BSD%A Galileo could no more be elected president of the United States than
 he could be elected Pope of Rome.  Both high posts are reserved for men
 favored by God with an extraordinary genius for swathing the bitter
 facts of life in bandages of self-illusion.
 		-- H. L. Mencken
#BSD%A general leading the State Department resembles  a dragon commanding
 ducks.
 		-- New York Times, Jan. 20, 1981
#BSD%A girl and a boy bump into each other -- surely an accident.
 A girl and a boy bump and her handkerchief drops -- surely another accident.
 But when a girl gives a boy a dead squid -- *____that ___had __to ____mean _________something*.
 		-- S. Morganstern, "The Silent Gondoliers"
#BSD%A gleekzorp without a tornpee is like a quop without a fertsneet (sort
 of).
#BSD%A good question is never answered.  It is not a bolt to be tightened
 into place but a seed to be planted and to bear more seed toward the
 hope of greening the landscape of idea.
 		-- John Ciardi
#BSD%A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely
 rearranging their prejudices.
 		-- William James
#BSD%A hypothetical paradox:
 	What would happen in a battle between an Enterprise security
 	team, who always get killed soon after appearing, and a squad
 	of Imperial Stormtroopers, who can't hit the broad side of a
 	planet?
 		-- Tom Galloway
#BSD%A is for Amy who fell down the stairs, B is for Basil assaulted by bears.
 C is for Clair who wasted away, D is for Desmond thrown out of the sleigh.
 E is for Ernest who choked on a peach, F is for Fanny, sucked dry by a leech.
 G is for George, smothered under a rug, H is for Hector, done in by a thug.
 I is for Ida who drowned in the lake, J is for James who took lye, by mistake.
 K is for Kate who was struck with an axe, L is for Leo who swallowed some tacks.
 M is for Maud who was swept out to sea, N is for Nevil who died of enui.
 O is for Olive, run through with an awl, P is for Prue, trampled flat in a brawl
 Q is for Quinton who sank in a mire, R is for Rhoda, consumed by a fire.
 S is for Susan who parished of fits, T is for Titas who flew into bits.
 U is for Una  who slipped down a drain, V is for Victor, squashed under a train.
 W is for Winie, embedded in ice, X is for Xercies, devoured by mice.
 Y is for Yoric whose head was bashed in, Z is for Zilla who drank too much gin.
 		-- Edward Gorey "The Gastly Crumb Tines"
#BSD%A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
#BSD%A lack of leadership is no substitute for inaction.
#BSD%A lack of leadership is no substitute for inaction.
#BSD%A lack of leadership is no substitute for inaction.
#BSD%A lady with one of her ears applied
 To an open keyhole heard, inside,
 Two female gossips in converse free --
 The subject engaging them was she.
 "I think", said one, "and my husband thinks
 That she's a prying, inquisitive minx!"
 As soon as no more of it she could hear
 The lady, indignant, removed her ear.
 "I will not stay," she said with a pout,
 "To hear my character lied about!"
 		-- Gopete Sherany
#BSD%A language that doesn't affect the way you think about programming is
 not worth knowing.
#BSD%A language that doesn't have everything is actually easier to program
 in than some that do.
 		-- Dennis M. Ritchie
#BSD%A large number of installed systems work by fiat.  That is, they work
 by being declared to work.
 		-- Anatol Holt
#BSD%A Law of Computer Programming:
 	Make it possible for programmers to write in English and you
 	will find the programmers cannot write in English.
#BSD%A limerick packs laughs anatomical
 Into space that is quite economical.
 	But the good ones I've seen
 	So seldom are clean,
 And the clean ones so seldom are comical.
#BSD%A LISP programmer knows the value of everything, but the cost of
 nothing.
#BSD%A long-forgotten loved one will appear soon.  Buy the negatives at any
 price.
#BSD%A Los Angeles judge ruled that "a citizen may snore with immunity in
 his own home, even though he may be in possession of unusual and
 exceptional ability in that particular field."
#BSD%A lot of people are afraid of heights.  Not me.  I'm afraid of widths.
 		-- Steve Wright
#BSD%A lot of people I know believe in positive thinking, and so do I.  I
 believe everything positively stinks.
 		-- Lew Col
#BSD%	A man goes to a tailor to try on a new custom-made suit.  The
 first thing he notices is that the arms are too long.
 	"No problem," says the tailor.  "Just bend them at the elbow
 and hold them out in front of you.  See, now it's fine."
 	"But the collar is up around my ears!"
 	"It's nothing.  Just hunch your back up a little ... no, a
 little more ... that's it."
 	"But I'm stepping on my cuffs!"  the man cries in desperation.
 	"Nu, bend you knees a little to take up the slack.  There you
 go.  Look in the mirror -- the suit fits perfectly."
 	So, twisted like a pretzel, the man lurches out onto the
 street.  Reba and Florence see him go by.
 	"Oh, look," says Reba, "that poor man!"
 	"Yes," says Florence, "but what a beautiful suit."
 		-- Arthur Naiman, "Every Goy's Guide to Yiddish"
#BSD%A man said to the Universe: "Sir, I exist!"
 
 "However," replied the Universe, "the fact has not created in me a
 sense of obligation."
 		-- Stephen Crane
#BSD%A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small package.
#BSD%A mathematician is a machine for converting coffee into theorems.
#BSD%A Mexican newspaper reports that bored Royal Air Force pilots stationed
 on the Falkland Islands have devised what they consider a marvelous new
 game.  Noting that the local penguins are fascinated by airplanes, the
 pilots search out a beach where the birds are gathered and fly slowly
 along it at the water's edge.  Perhaps ten thousand penguins turn their
 heads in unison watching the planes go by, and when the pilots turn
 around and fly back, the birds turn their heads in the opposite
 direction, like spectators at a slow-motion tennis match.  Then, the
 paper reports, "The pilots fly out to sea and directly to the penguin
 colony and overfly it.  Heads go up, up, up, and ten thousand penguins
 fall over gently onto their backs.
 		-- Audobon Society Magazine
#BSD%	A musician of more ambition than talent composed an elegy at
 the death of composer Edward MacDowell.  She played the elegy for the
 pianist Josef Hoffman, then asked his opinion.  "Well, it's quite
 nice," he replied, but don't you think it would be better if ..."
 	"If what?"  asked the composer.
 	"If ... if you had died and MacDowell had written the elegy?"
#BSD%A neighbor came to Nasrudin, asking to borrow his donkey.  "It is out
 on loan," the teacher replied.  At that moment, the donkey brayed
 loudly inside the stable.  "But I can hear it bray, over there."  "Whom
 do you believe," asked Nasrudin, "me or a donkey?"
#BSD%A new dramatist of the absurd
 Has a voice that will shortly be heard.
 	I learn from my spies
 	He's about to devise
 An unprintable three-letter word.
#BSD%A new koan:
 
 	If you have some ice cream, I will give it to you.
 
 	If you have no ice cream, I will take it away from you.
 
 It is an ice cream koan.
#BSD%A new supply of round tuits has arrived and are available from Mary.
 Anyone who has been putting off work until they got a round tuit now
 has no excuse for further procrastination.
#BSD%A New York City judge ruled that if two women behind you at the movies
 insist on discussing the probable outcome of the film, you have the
 right to turn around and blow a Bronx cheer at them.
#BSD%A New York City ordinance prohibits the shooting of rabbits from the
 rear of a Third Avenue street car -- if the car is in motion.
#BSD%	A novel approach is to remove all power from the system, which
 removes most system overhead so that resources can be fully devoted to
 doing nothing.  Benchmarks on this technique are promising; tremendous
 amounts of nothing can be produced in this manner.  Certain hardware
 limitations can limit the speed of this method, especially in the
 larger systems which require a more involved & less efficient
 power-down sequence.
 	An alternate approach is to pull the main breaker for the
 building, which seems to provide even more nothing, but in truth has
 bugs in it, since it usually inhibits the systems which keep the beer
 cool.
#BSD%A nuclear war can ruin your whole day.
#BSD%A pedestal is as much a prison as any small, confined space.
 		-- Gloria Steinem
#BSD%A penny saved is ridiculous.
#BSD%A person is just about as big as the things that make them angry.
#BSD%A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
 		-- George Wald
#BSD%A pig is a jolly companion,
 Boar, sow, barrow, or gilt --
 A pig is a pal, who'll boost your morale, 
 Though mountains may topple and tilt.
 When they've blackballed, bamboozled, and burned you,
 When they've turned on you, Tory and Whig,
 Though you may be thrown over by Tabby and Rover,
 You'll never go wrong with a pig, a pig,
 You'll never go wrong with a pig!
 		-- Thomas Pynchon, "Gravity's Rainbow"
#BSD%	 A Plan for the Improvement of English Spelling
 			  by Mark Twain
 
 	For example, in Year 1 that useless letter "c" would be dropped
 to be replased either by "k" or "s", and likewise "x" would no longer
 be part of the alphabet.  The only kase in which "c" would be retained
 would be the "ch" formation, which will be dealt with later.  Year 2
 might reform "w" spelling, so that "which" and "one" would take the
 same konsonant, wile Year 3 might well abolish "y" replasing it with
 "i" and Iear 4 might fiks the "g/j" anomali wonse and for all.
 	Jenerally, then, the improvement would kontinue iear bai iear
 with Iear 5 doing awai with useless double konsonants, and Iears 6-12
 or so modifaiing vowlz and the rimeining voist and unvoist konsonants.
 Bai Iear 15 or sou, it wud fainali bi posibl tu meik ius ov thi
 ridandant letez "c", "y" and "x" -- bai now jast a memori in the maindz
 ov ould doderez -- tu riplais "ch", "sh", and "th" rispektivli.
 	Fainali, xen, aafte sam 20 iers ov orxogrefkl riform, wi wud
 hev a lojikl, kohirnt speling in ius xrewawt xe Ingliy-spiking werld.
#BSD%"A power so great, it can only be used for Good or Evil!"
 		-- Firesign Theatre, "The Giant Rat of Summatra"
#BSD%A priest asked: What is Fate, Master?
 
 And he answered:
 
 It is that which gives a beast of burden its reason for existence.
 
 It is that which men in former times had to bear upon their backs.
 
 It is that which has caused nations to build byways from City to City
 upon which carts and coaches pass, and alongside which inns have come
 to be built to stave off Hunger, Thirst and Weariness.
 
 And that is Fate?  said the priest.
 
 Fate ... I thought you said Freight, responded the Master.
 
 That's all right, said the priest.  I wanted to know what Freight was
 too.
 		-- Kehlog Albran, "The Profit"
#BSD%	A priest was walking along the cliffs at Dover when he came
 upon two locals pulling another man ashore on the end of a rope.
 "That's what I like to see", said the priest, "A man helping his fellow
 man".
 	As he was walking away, one local remarked to the other, "Well,
 he sure doesn't know the first thing about shark fishing."
#BSD%A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
#BSD%"A programmer is a person who passes as an exacting expert on the basis
 of being able to turn out, after innumerable punching, an infinite
 series of incomprehensive answers calculated with micrometric
 precisions from vague assumptions based on debatable figures taken from
 inconclusive documents and carried out on instruments of problematical
 accuracy by persons of dubious reliability and questionable mentality
 for the avowed purpose of annoying and confounding a hopelessly
 defenseless department that was unfortunate enough to ask for the
 information in the first place."
 		-- IEEE Grid news magazine
#BSD%A psychiatrist is a person who will give you expensive answers that
 your wife will give you for free.
#BSD%A public debt is a kind of anchor in the storm; but if the anchor be
 too heavy for the vessel, she will be sunk by that very weight which
 was intended for her preservation.
 		-- Colton
#BSD%A putt that stops close enough to the cup to inspire such comments as
 "you could blow it in" may be blown in.  This rule does not apply if
 the ball is more than three inches from the hole, because no one wants
 to make a travesty of the game.
 		-- Donald A. Metz
#BSD%"A raccoon tangled with a 23,000 volt line today.  The results blacked
 out 1400 homes and, of course, one raccoon."
 		-- Steel City News
#BSD%A reading from the Book of Armaments, Chapter 4, Verses 16 to 20:
 
 Then did he raise on high the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch, saying,
 "Bless this, O Lord, that with it thou mayst blow thine enemies to tiny
 bits, in thy mercy."  And the people did rejoice and did feast upon the
 lambs and toads and tree-sloths and fruit-bats and orangutans and
 breakfast cereals ... Now did the Lord say, "First thou pullest the
 Holy Pin.  Then thou must count to three.  Three shall be the number of
 the counting and the number of the counting shall be three.  Four shalt
 thou not count, neither shalt thou count two, excepting that thou then
 proceedeth to three.  Five is right out.  Once the number three, being
 the number of the counting, be reached, then lobbest thou the Holy Hand
 Grenade in the direction of thine foe, who, being naughty in my sight,
 shall snuff it."
 		-- Monty Python, "Monty Python and the Holy Grail"
#BSD%A real patriot is the fellow who gets a parking ticket and rejoices
 that the system works.
#BSD%A real person has two reasons for doing anything ... a good reason and
 the real reason.
#BSD%A recent study has found that concentrating on difficult off-screen
 objects, such as the faces of loved ones, causes eye strain in computer
 scientists.  Researchers into the phenomenon cite the added
 concentration needed to "make sense" of such unnatural three
 dimensional objects ...
#BSD%A Riverside, California, health ordinance states that two persons may
 not kiss each other without first wiping their lips with carbolized
 rosewater.
#BSD%A rock pile ceases to be a rock pile the moment a single man
 contemplates it, bearing within him the image of a cathedral.
 		-- Antoine de Saint-Exupery
#BSD%A sense of humor keen enough to show a man his own absurdities will
 keep him from the commission of all sins, or nearly all, save those
 that are worth committing.
 		-- Samuel Butler
#BSD%		A Severe Strain on the Credulity
 
 As a method of sending a missile to the higher, and even to the highest
 parts of the earth's atmospheric envelope, Professor Goddard's rocket
 is a practicable and therefore promising device.  It is when one
 considers the multiple-charge rocket as a traveler to the moon that one
 begins to doubt ... for after the rocket quits our air and really
 starts on its journey, its flight would be neither accelerated nor
 maintained by the explosion of the charges it then might have left.
 Professor Goddard, with his "chair" in Clark College and countenancing
 of the Smithsonian Institution, does not know the relation of action to
 re-action, and of the need to have something better than a vacuum
 against which to react ... Of course he only seems to lack the
 knowledge ladled out daily in high schools.
 		-- New York Times Editorial, 1920
#BSD%A sine curve goes off to infinity or at least the end of the blackboard
 		-- Prof. Steiner
#BSD%... A solemn, unsmiling, sanctimonious old iceberg who looked like he
 was waiting for a vacancy in the Trinity.
 		-- Mark Twain
#BSD%A straw vote only shows which way the hot air blows.
 		-- O'Henry
#BSD%A strong conviction that something must be done is the parent of many
 bad measures.
 		-- Daniel Webster
#BSD%A student who changes the course of history is probably taking an
 exam.
#BSD%A successful [software] tool is one that was used to do something
 undreamed of by its author.
 		-- S. C. Johnson
#BSD%A total abstainer is one who abstains from everything but abstention,
 and especially from inactivity in the affairs of others.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
#BSD%A transistor protected by a fast-acting fuse will protect the fuse by
 blowing first.
#BSD%A triangle which has an angle of 135 degrees is called an obscene
 triangle.
#BSD%A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.
#BSD%A university is what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest
 in students.
 		-- John Ciardi
#BSD%"A University without students is like an ointment without a fly."
 	-- Ed Nather, professor of astronomy at UT Austin
#BSD%A UNIX saleslady, Lenore,
 Enjoys work, but she likes the beach more.
 	She found a good way
 	To combine work and play:
 She sells C shells by the seashore.
#BSD%A vacuum is a hell of a lot better than some of the stuff that nature
 replaces it with.
 		-- Tennessee Williams
#BSD%A very intelligent turtle
 Found programming UNIX a hurdle
 	The system, you see,
 	Ran as slow as did he,
 And that's not saying much for the turtle.
#BSD%A well adjusted person is one who makes the same mistake twice without
 getting nervous.
#BSD%A witty saying proves nothing, but saying something pointless gets
 people's attention.
#BSD%"A witty saying proves nothing."
 		-- Voltaire
#BSD%"A wizard cannot do everything; a fact most magicians are reticent to
 admit, let alone discuss with prospective clients.  Still, the fact
 remains that there are certain objects, and people, that are, for one
 reason or another, completely immune to any direct magical spell.  It
 is for this group of beings that the magician learns the subtleties of
 using indirect spells.  It also does no harm, in dealing with these
 matters, to carry a large club near your person at all times."
 		-- The Teachings of Ebenezum, Volume VIII
#BSD%A year spent in artificial intelligence is enough to make one believe
 in God.
#BSD%A.A.A.A.A.:
 	An organization for drunks who drive
#BSD%AAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaccccccccckkkkkk!!!!!!!!!
 You brute!  Knock before entering a ladies room!
#BSD%Abandon the search for Truth; settle for a good fantasy.
#BSD%"About the time we think we can make ends meet, somebody moves the
 ends."
 		-- Herbert Hoover
#BSD%Absence makes the heart go wander.
#BSD%Absent, adj.:
 	Exposed to the attacks of friends and acquaintances; defamed;
 	slandered.
#BSD%Absentee, n.:
 	A person with an income who has had the forethought to remove
 	himself from the sphere of exaction.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
#BSD%Abstainer, n.:
 	A weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a
 	pleasure.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
#BSD%Absurdity, n.:
 	A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own
 	opinion.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
#BSD%Academic politics is the most vicious and bitter form of politics,
 because the stakes are so low.
 		-- Wallace Sayre
#BSD%Accident, n.:
 	A condition in which presence of mind is good, but absence of
 	body is better.
#BSD%Accidents cause History.
 
 If Sigismund Unbuckle had taken a walk in 1426 and met Wat Tyler, the
 Peasant's Revolt would never have happened and the motor car would not
 have been invented until 2026, which would have meant that all the oil
 could have been used for lamps, thus saving the electric light bulb and
 the whale, and nobody would have caught Moby Dick or Billy Budd.
 		-- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"
#BSD%According to Arkansas law, Section 4761, Pope's Digest:  "No person
 shall be permitted under any pretext whatever, to come nearer than
 fifty feet of any door or window of any polling room, from the opening
 of the polls until the completion of the count and the certification of
 the returns."
#BSD%According to Kentucky state law, every person must take a bath at least
 once a year.
#BSD%According to my best recollection, I don't remember.
 		-- Vincent "Jimmy Blue Eyes" Alo
#BSD%According to the latest official figures, 43 of all statistics are
 totally worthless.
#BSD% 
 According to the obituary notices, a mean and unimportant person never
 dies.
#BSD%"According to the Rand McNally Places-Rated Almanac, the best place to
 live in America is the city of Pittsburgh.  The city of New York came
 in twenty-fifth.  Here in New York we really don't care too much.
 Because we know that we could beat up their city anytime."
 		-- David Letterman
#BSD%Accordion, n.:
 	A bagpipe with pleats.
#BSD%Accuracy, n.:
 	The vice of being right
#BSD%			ACHTUNG!!!
 
 Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken und mittengrabben.  Ist easy
 schnappen der springenwerk, blowenfusen und corkenpoppen mit
 spitzensparken.  Ist nicht fur gewerken by das dummkopfen.  Das
 rubbernecken sightseeren keepen hands in das pockets.  Relaxen und
 vatch das blinkenlights!!!
#BSD%Acid -- better living through chemistry.
#BSD%Acid absorbs 47 times it's weight in excess Reality.
#BSD%Acquaintance, n.:
 	A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well
 	enough to lend to.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
#BSD%"Acting is an art which consists of keeping the audience from
 coughing."
#BSD%Actor:	"I'm a smash hit.  Why, yesterday during the last act, I had
 	everyone glued in their seats!"
 Oliver Herford:	"Wonderful!  Wonderful!  Clever of you to think of
 	it!"
#BSD%Actor:	So what do you do for a living?
 Doris:	I work for a company that makes deceptively shallow serving
 	dishes for Chinese restaurants.
 		-- Woody Allen, "Without Feathers"
#BSD%Actors will happen even in the best-regulated families.
#BSD%ADA, n.:
 	Something you need only know the name of to be an Expert in
 	Computing.  Useful in sentences like, "We had better develop an
 	ADA awareness."
#BSD%Admiration, n.:
 	Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
#BSD%Adolescence, n.:
 	The stage between puberty and adultery.
#BSD%"Adopted kids are such a pain -- you have to teach them how to look
 like you ..."
 		--- Gilda Radner
#BSD%Adore, v.:
 	To venerate expectantly.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
#BSD%Adult, n.:
 	One old enough to know better.
#BSD%Advertising is a valuable economic factor because it is the cheapest
 way of selling goods, particularly if the goods are worthless.
 		-- Sinclair Lewis
#BSD%After [Benjamin] Franklin came a herd of Electrical Pioneers whose
 names have become part of our electrical terminology: Myron Volt, Mary
 Louise Amp, James Watt, Bob Transformer, etc.  These pioneers conducted
 many important electrical experiments.  For example, in 1780 Luigi
 Galvani discovered (this is the truth) that when he attached two
 different kinds of metal to the leg of a frog, an electrical current
 developed and the frog's leg kicked, even though it was no longer
 attached to the frog, which was dead anyway.  Galvani's discovery led
 to enormous advances in the field of amphibian medicine.  Today,
 skilled veterinary surgeons can take a frog that has been seriously
 injured or killed, implant pieces of metal in its muscles, and watch it
 hop back into the pond just like a normal frog, except for the fact
 that it sinks like a stone.
 		-- Dave Barry, "What is Electricity?"
#BSD%After a few boring years, socially meaningful rock 'n' roll died out.
 It was replaced by disco, which offers no guidance to any form of life
 more advanced than the lichen family.
 		-- Dave Barry, "Kids Today: They Don't Know Dum Diddly
 		   Do"
#BSD%After a number of decimal places, nobody gives a damn.
#BSD%"... After all, all he did was string together a lot of old, well-known
 quotations."
 		-- H. L. Mencken, on Shakespeare
#BSD%After all, what is your hosts' purpose in having a party?  Surely not
 for you to enjoy yourself; if that were their sole purpose, they'd have
 simply sent champagne and women over to your place by taxi.
 		-- P. J. O'Rourke
#BSD%After an instrument has been assembled, extra components will be found
 on the bench.
#BSD%	After his Ignoble Disgrace, Satan was being expelled from
 Heaven.  As he passed through the Gates, he paused a moment in thought,
 and turned to God and said, "A new creature called Man, I hear, is soon
 to be created."
 	"This is true," He replied.
 	"He will need laws," said the Demon slyly.
 	"What!  You, his appointed Enemy for all Time!  You ask for the
 right to make his laws?"
 	"Oh, no!"  Satan replied, "I ask only that he be allowed to
 make his own."
 	It was so granted.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
#BSD%"After I asked him what he meant, he replied that freedom consisted of
 the unimpeded right to get rich, to use his ability, no matter what the
 cost to others, to win advancement."
 		-- Norman Thomas
#BSD%After I run your program, let's make love like crazed weasels, OK?
#BSD%After living in New York, you trust nobody, but you believe
 everything.  Just in case.
#BSD%After the last of 16 mounting screws has been removed from an access
 cover, it will be discovered that the wrong access cover has been
 removed.
#BSD%Afternoon very favorable for romance.  Try a single person for a
 change.
#BSD%Afternoon, n.:
 	That part of the day we spend worrying about how we wasted the
 	morning.
#BSD%Age before beauty; and pearls before swine.
 		-- Dorothy Parker
#BSD%Age, n.:
 	That period of life in which we compound for the vices that we
 still cherish by reviling those that we no longer have the enterprise
 to commit.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce
#BSD%Ah say, son, you're about as sharp as a bowlin' ball.
#BSD%Ah, but the choice of dreams to live, 
 there's the rub.
 
 For all dreams are not equal,
 some exit to nightmare
 most end with the dreamer
 
 But at least one must be lived ... and died.
#BSD%"Ah, you know the type.  They like to blame it all on the Jews or the
 Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact
 that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately
 unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep
 up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers."
 		-- A analysis of Neo-Nazis, from "The Badger" comic
#BSD%Air is water with holes in it
#BSD%Alas, I am dying beyond my means.
 		-- Oscar Wilde, as he sipped champagne on his deathbed
#BSD%Albert Einstein, when asked to describe radio, replied: "You see, wire
 telegraph is a kind of a very, very long cat.  You pull his tail in New
 York and his head is meowing in Los Angeles.  Do you understand this?
 And radio operates exactly the same way: you send signals here, they
 receive them there.  The only difference is that there is no cat."
#BSD%Alden's Laws:
 	(1) Giving away baby clothes and furniture is the major cause
 	    of pregnancy.
 	(2) Always be backlit.
 	(3) Sit down whenever possible.
#BSD%Aleph-null bottles of beer on the wall,
 Aleph-null bottles of beer,
 	You take one down, and pass it around,
 Aleph-null bottles of beer on the wall.
#BSD%Alex Haley was adopted!
#BSD%Alexander Graham Bell is alive and well in New York, and still waiting
 for a dial tone.
#BSD%Alimony is a system by which, when two people make a mistake, one of
 them keeps paying for it.
 		-- Peggy Joyce
#BSD%All [zoos] actually offer to the public in return for the taxes spent
 upon them is a form of idle and witless amusement, compared to which a
 visit to a penitentiary, or even to a State legislature in session, is
 informing, stimulating and ennobling.
 		-- H. L. Mencken
#BSD%All bridge hands are equally likely, but some are more equally likely
 than others.
 		-- Alan Truscott
#BSD%All extremists should be taken out and shot.
#BSD%All Finagle Laws may be bypassed by learning the simple art of doing
 without thinking.
#BSD%"All flesh is grass"
 		-- Isiah
 Smoke a friend today.
#BSD%All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
#BSD%All I ask of life is a constant and exaggerated sense of my own
 importance.
#BSD%All I can think of is a platter of organic PRUNE CRISPS being trampled
 by an army of swarthy, Italian LOUNGE SINGERS ...
#BSD%All I want is a warm bed and a kind word and unlimited power
 		-- Ashleigh Brilliant
#BSD%All men are mortal.  Socrates was mortal.  Therefore, all men are
 Socrates.
 		-- Woody Allen
#BSD%"All my friends and I are crazy.  That's the only thing that keeps us
 sane."
#BSD%"All my life I wanted to be someone; I guess I should have been more
 specific."
 		-- Jane Wagner
#BSD%All other things being equal, a bald man cannot be elected President of
 the United States.
 		-- Vic Gold
#BSD%All power corrupts, but we need electricity.
#BSD%All programmers are playwrights and all computers are lousy actors.
#BSD%All progress is based upon a universal innate desire on the part of
 every organism to live beyond its income.
 		-- Samuel Butler
#BSD%All science is either physics or stamp collecting.
 		-- E. Rutherford
#BSD%"All snakes who wish to remain in Ireland will please raise their right
 hands."
 		-- Saint Patrick
#BSD%All syllogisms have three parts, therefore this is not a syllogism.
#BSD%All the big corporations depreciate their possessions, and you can,
 too, provided you use them for business purposes.  For example, if you
 subscribe to the Wall Street Journal, a business-related newspaper, you
 can deduct the cost of your house, because, in the words of U.S.
 Supreme Court Chief Justice Warren Burger in a landmark 1979 tax
 decision: "Where else are you going to read the paper?  Outside?  What
 if it rains?"
 		-- Dave Barry, "Sweating Out Taxes"
#BSD%"... all the modern inconveniences ..."
 		-- Mark Twain
#BSD%All the passions make us commit faults; love makes us commit the most
 ridiculous ones.
 		-- La Rochefoucauld
#BSD%All the taxes paid over a lifetime by the average American are spent by
 the government in less than a second.
 		-- Jim Fiebig
#BSD%All the world's a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed.
 		-- Sean O'Casey
#BSD%All the world's a VAX,
 And all the coders merely butchers;
 They have their exits and their entrails;
 And one int in his time plays many widths,
 His sizeof being _N bytes.  At first the infant,
 Mewling and puking in the Regent's arms.
 And then the whining schoolboy, with his Sun,
 And shining morning face, creeping like slug
 Unwillingly to school.
 		-- A Very Annoyed PDP-11
#BSD%All things are possible, except skiing thru a revolving door.
#BSD%All this wheeling and dealing around, why, it isn't for money, it's for
 fun.  Money's just the way we keep score.
#BSD%All true wisdom is found on T-shirts.
#BSD%All wars are civil wars, because all men are brothers ... Each one owes
 infinitely more to the human race than to the particular country in
 which he was born.
 		-- Francois Fenelon
#BSD%Alliance, n.:
 	In international politics, the union of two thieves who have
 	their hands so deeply inserted in each other's pocket that they
 	cannot separately plunder a third.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
#BSD%Alone, adj.:
 	In bad company.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
#BSD%Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight
 Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.
 		-- Dave Barry
#BSD%Although we modern persons tend to take our electric lights, radios,
 mixers, etc., for granted, hundreds of years ago people did not have
 any of these things, which is just as well because there was no place
 to plug them in.  Then along came the first Electrical Pioneer,
 Benjamin Franklin, who flew a kite in a lighting storm and received a
 serious electrical shock.  This proved that lighting was powered by the
 same force as carpets, but it also damaged Franklin's brain so severely
 that he started speaking only in incomprehensible maxims, such as "A
 penny saved is a penny earned."  Eventually he had to be given a job
 running the post office.
 		-- Dave Barry, "What is Electricity?"
#BSD%Although written many years ago, Lady Chatterley's Lover has just been
 reissued by the Grove Press, and this pictorial account of the
 day-to-day life of an English gamekeeper is full of considerable
 interest to outdoor minded readers, as it contains many passages on
 pheasant-raising, the apprehending of poachers, ways to control vermin,
 and other chores and duties of the professional gamekeeper.
 Unfortunately, one is obliged to wade through many pages of extraneous
 material in order to discover and savour those sidelights on the
 management of a midland shooting estate, and in this reviewer's opinion
 the book cannot take the place of J. R. Miller's "Practical
 Gamekeeping."
 		-- Ed Zern, "Field and Stream" (Nov. 1959)
#BSD%Always borrow money from a pessimist; he doesn't expect to be paid
 back.
#BSD%Always remember that you are unique.  Just like everyone else.
#BSD%"Always try to do things in chronological order; it's less confusing
 that way."
#BSD%Am I ranting?  I hope so.  My ranting gets raves.
#BSD%		AMAZING BUT TRUE ...
 
 If all the salmon caught in Canada in one year were laid end to end
 across the Sahara Desert, the smell would be absolutely awful.
#BSD%		AMAZING BUT TRUE ...
 
 There is so much sand in Northern Africa that if it were spread out it
 would completely cover the Sahara Desert.
#BSD%Ambidextrous, adj.:
 	Able to pick with equal skill a right-hand pocket or a left.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
#BSD%Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.
 		-- Charlie McCarthy
#BSD%America may be unique in being a country which has leapt from barbarism
 to decadence without touching civilization.
 		-- John O'Hara
#BSD%America was discovered by Amerigo Vespucci and was named after him,
 until people got tired of living in a place called "Vespuccia" and
 changed its name to "America".
 		-- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"
#BSD%American business long ago gave up on demanding that prospective
 employees be honest and hardworking.  It has even stopped hoping for
 employees who are educated enough that they can tell the difference
 between the men's room and the women's room without having little
 pictures on the doors.
 		-- Dave Barry, "Urine Trouble, Mister"
#BSD%"Amnesia used to be my favorite word, but then I forgot it."
#BSD%An age is called Dark not because the light fails to shine, but because
 people refuse to see it.
 		-- James Michener, "Space"
#BSD%An American's a person who isn't afraid to criticize the President but
 is always polite to traffic cops.
#BSD%"An anthropologist at Tulane has just come back from a field trip to
 New Guinea with reports of a tribe so primitive that they have Tide but
 not new Tide with lemon-fresh Borax."
 		-- David Letterman
#BSD%An apple every eight hours will keep three doctors away.
#BSD%	An architect's first work is apt to be spare and clean.  He
 knows he doesn't know what he's doing, so he does it carefully and with
 great restraint.
 	As he designs the first work, frill after frill and
 embellishment after embellishment occur to him.  These get stored away
 to be used "next time".  Sooner or later the first system is finished,
 and the architect, with firm confidence and a demonstrated mastery of
 that class of systems, is ready to build a second system.
 	This second is the most dangerous system a man ever designs.
 When he does his third and later ones, his prior experiences will
 confirm each other as to the general characteristics of such systems,
 and their differences will identify those parts of his experience that
 are particular and not generalizable.
 	The general tendency is to over-design the second system, using
 all the ideas and frills that were cautiously sidetracked on the first
 one.  The result, as Ovid says, is a "big pile".
 		-- Frederick Brooks, "The Mythical Man Month"
#BSD%An artist should be fit for the best society and keep out of it.
#BSD%An authority is a person who can tell you more about something than you
 really care to know.
#BSD%An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
#BSD%An elephant is a mouse with an operating system.
#BSD%An English judge, growing weary of the barrister's long-winded
 summation, leaned over the bench and remarked, "I've heard your
 arguments, Sir Geoffrey, and I'm none the wiser!"  Sir Geoffrey
 responded, "That may be, Milord, but at least you're better informed!"
#BSD%An Englishman never enjoys himself, except for a noble purpose.
 		-- A. P. Herbert
#BSD%An excellence-oriented '80s male does not wear a regular watch.  He
 wears a Rolex watch, because it weighs nearly six pounds and is
 advertised only in excellence-oriented publications such as Fortune and
 Rich Protestant Golfer Magazine.  The advertisements are written in
 incomplete sentences, which is how advertising copywriters denote
 excellence:
 
 "The Rolex Hyperion.  An elegant new standard in quality excellence and
 discriminating handcraftsmanship.  For the individual who is truly able
 to discriminate with regard to excellent quality standards of crafting
 things by hand.  Fabricated of 100 percent 24-karat gold.  No watch
 parts or anything.  Just a great big chunk on your wrist.  Truly a
 timeless statement.  For the individual who is very secure.  Who
 doesn't need to be reminded all the time that he is very successful.
 Much more successful than the people who laughed at him in high
 school.  Because of his acne.  People who are probably nowhere near as
 successful as he is now.  Maybe he'll go to his 20th reunion, and
 they'll see his Rolex Hyperion.  Hahahahahahahahaha."
 		-- Dave Barry, "In Search of Excellence"
#BSD%An exotic journey in downtown Newark is in your future.
#BSD%"... an experienced, industrious, ambitious, and often quite often
 picturesque liar."
 		-- Mark Twain
#BSD%An idea is an eye given by God for the seeing of God.  Some of these
 eyes we cannot bear to look out of, we blind them as quickly as
 possible.
 		-- Russell Hoban, "Pilgermann"
#BSD%An idea is not responsible for the people who believe in it.
#BSD%	An old Jewish man reads about Einstein's theory of relativity
 in the newspaper and asks his scientist grandson to explain it to him.
 	"Well, zayda, it's sort of like this.  Einstein says that if
 you're having your teeth drilled without Novocain, a minute seems like
 an hour.  But if you're sitting with a beautiful woman on your lap, an
 hour seems like a minute."
 	The old man considers this profound bit of thinking for a
 moment and says, "And from this he makes a living?"
 		-- Arthur Naiman, "Every Goy's Guide to Yiddish"
#BSD%"An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of purge."
#BSD%Anarchy may not be the best form of government, but it's better than no
 government at all.
#BSD%And as we stand on the edge of darkness
 Let our chant fill the void
 That others may know
 
 	In the land of the night
 	The ship of the sun
 	Is drawn by
 	The grateful dead.
 
 		-- Tibetan "Book of the Dead," ca. 4000 BC.
#BSD%... and furthermore ... I don't like your trousers.
#BSD%And I heard Jeff exclaim,
 As they strolled out of sight,
 "Merry Christmas to all --
 You take credit cards, right?"
 		-- "Outsiders" comic
#BSD%... And malt does more than Milton can
 To justify God's ways to man
 		-- A. E. Housman
#BSD%And on the seventh day, He exited from append mode.
#BSD%And so, men, we can see that human skin is an even more complex and
 fascinating organ than we thought it was, and if we want to keep it
 looking good, we have to care for it as though it were our own.  One
 approach is to undergo a painful surgical procedure wherein your skin
 is turned inside-out, so the young cells are on the outside, but then
 of course you have the unpleasant side effect that your insides
 gradually fill up with dead old cells and you explode.  So this
 procedure is pretty much limited to top Hollywood stars for whom
 youthful beauty is a career necessity, such as Elizabeth Taylor and
 Orson Welles.
 		-- Dave Barry, "Saving Face"
#BSD%"...and the fully armed nuclear warheads, are, of course, merely a
 courtesy detail."
#BSD%And this is a table ma'am.  What in essence it consists of is a
 horizontal rectilinear plane surface maintained by four vertical
 columnar supports, which we call legs.  The tables in this laboratory,
 ma'am, are as advanced in design as one will find anywhere in the
 world.
 		-- Michael Frayn, "The Tin Men"
#BSD%	"And what will you do when you grow up to be as big as me?"
 asked the father of his little son.
 	"Diet."
#BSD%And yet, seasons must be taken with a grain of salt, for they too have
 a sense of humor, as does history.  Corn stalks comedy, comedy stalks
 tragedy, and this too is historic.  And yet, still, when corn meets
 tragedy face to face, we have politics.
 		-- Dalglish, Larsen and Sutherland, "Root Crops and
 		   Ground Cover"
#BSD%Angels we have heard on High
 Tell us to go out and Buy.
 		-- Tom Lehrer
#BSD%Ankh if you love Isis.
#BSD%Anoint, v.:
 	To grease a king or other great functionary already
 	sufficiently slippery.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
#BSD%		Another Glitch in the Call
 		------- ------ -- --- ----
 	(Sung to the tune of a recent Pink Floyd song.)
 
 We don't need no indirection
 We don't need no flow control
 No data typing or declarations
 Did you leave the lists alone?
 
 	Hey!  Hacker!  Leave those lists alone!
 
 Chorus:
 	All in all, it's just a pure-LISP function call.
 	All in all, it's just a pure-LISP function call.
#BSD%Another good night not to sleep in a eucalyptus tree.
#BSD%Another possible source of guidance for teenagers is television, but
 television's message has always been that the need for truth, wisdom
 and world peace pales by comparison with the need for a toothpaste that
 offers whiter teeth *___and* fresher breath.
 		-- Dave Barry, "Kids Today: They Don't Know Dum Diddly
 		   Do"
#BSD%		Answers to Last Fortune's Questions:
 
 (1) None.  (Moses didn't have an ark).
 (2) Your mother, by the pigeonhole principle.
 (3) I don't know.
 (4) Who cares?
 (5) 6 (or maybe 4, or else 3).  Mr. Alfred J. Duncan of Podunk,
     Montana, submitted an interesting solution to Problem 5.
 (6) There is an interesting solution to this problem on page 1029 of my
     book, which you can pick up for $23.95 at finer bookstores and
     bathroom supply outlets (or 99 cents at the table in front of
     Papyrus Books).
#BSD%Anthony's Law of Force:
 	Don't force it; get a larger hammer.
#BSD%Anthony's Law of the Workshop:
 	Any tool when dropped, will roll into the least accessible
 	corner of the workshop.
 
 Corollary:
 	On the way to the corner, any dropped tool will first strike
 	your toes.
#BSD%Antonym, n.:
 	The opposite of the word you're trying to think of.
#BSD%Any clod can have the facts, but having an opinion is an art.
 		-- Charles McCabe
#BSD%Any clod can have the facts, but having opinions is an art.
 		-- Charles McCabe
#BSD%Any dramatic series the producers want us to take seriously as a
 representation of contemporary reality cannot be taken seriously as a
 representation of anything -- except a show to be ignored by anyone
 capable of sitting upright in a chair and chewing gum simultaneously.
 		-- Richard Schickel
#BSD%Any excuse will serve a tyrant.
 		-- Aesop
#BSD%Any father who thinks he's all important should remind himself that
 this country honors fathers only one day a year while pickles get a
 whole week.
#BSD%Any fool can paint a picture, but it takes a wise person to be able to
 sell it.
#BSD%Any great truth can -- and eventually will -- be expressed as a cliche
 -- a cliche is a sure and certain way to dilute an idea.  For instance,
 my grandmother used to say, "The black cat is always the last one off
 the fence."  I have no idea what she meant, but at one time, it was
 undoubtedly true.
 		-- Solomon Short
#BSD%Any philosophy that can be put in a nutshell belongs there.
 		-- Sydney J. Harris
#BSD%... Any resemblance between the above views and those of my employer,
 my terminal, or the view out my window are purely coincidental.  Any
 resemblance between the above and my own views is non-deterministic.
 The question of the existence of views in the absence of anyone to hold
 them is left as an exercise for the reader.  The question of the
 existence of the reader is left as an exercise for the second god
 coefficient.  (A discussion of non-orthogonal, non-integral polytheism
 is beyond the scope of this article.)
#BSD%Any small object that is accidentally dropped will hide under a larger
 object.
#BSD%Any stone in your boot always migrates against the pressure gradient to
 exactly the point of most pressure.
 		-- Milt Barber
#BSD%Any sufficiently advanced bug is indistinguishable from a feature.
 		-- Rich Kulawiec
#BSD%Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from a rigged
 demo.
#BSD%Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
 		-- Arthur C. Clarke
#BSD%Any time things appear to be going better, you have overlooked
 something.
#BSD%Any two philosophers can tell each other all they know in two hours.
 		-- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
#BSD%Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry.
#BSD%Anybody who doesn't cut his speed at the sight of a police car is
 probably parked.
#BSD%Anybody with money to burn will easily find someone to tend the fire.
#BSD%Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is
 supposed to be doing at the moment.
 		-- Robert Benchley
#BSD%Anyone can hold the helm when the sea is calm.
 		-- Publilius Syrus
#BSD%Anyone can make an omelet with eggs.  The trick is to make one with
 none.
#BSD%Anyone who cannot cope with mathematics is not fully human.  At best he
 is a tolerable subhuman who has learned to wear shoes, bathe and not
 make messes in the house.
 		-- Lazarus Long, "Time Enough for Love"
#BSD%Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined.
 		-- Samuel Goldwyn
#BSD%Anyone who hates Dogs and Kids Can't be All Bad.
 		-- W. C. Fields
#BSD%Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no
 account be allowed to do the job.
 		-- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
#BSD%Anyone who uses the phrase "easy as taking candy from a baby" has never
 tried taking candy from a baby.
 		-- Robin Hood
#BSD%Anything free is worth what you pay for it.
#BSD%Anything is good and useful if it's made of chocolate.
#BSD%Anything is good if it's made of chocolate.
#BSD%Anything labeled "NEW" and/or "IMPROVED" isn't.  The label means the
 price went up.  The label "ALL NEW", "COMPLETELY NEW", or "GREAT NEW"
 means the price went way up.
#BSD%Anything that is good and useful is made of chocolate.
#BSD%Anything worth doing is worth overdoing
#BSD%Aphorism, n.:
 	A concise, clever statement.
 Afterism, n.:
 	A concise, clever statement you don't think of until too late.
 		-- James Alexander Thom
#BSD%APL is a mistake, carried through to perfection.  It is the language of
 the future for the problems of the past: it creates a new generation of
 coding bums.
#BSD%"APL is a write-only language.  I can write programs in APL, but I
 can't read any of them."
 		-- Roy Keir
#BSD%Aquadextrous, adj.:
 	Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub faucet on and off
 	with your toes.
 		-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
#BSD%AQUARIUS (Jan 20 - Feb 18)
 	You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive.
 	You lie a great deal.  On the other hand, you are inclined to
 	be careless and impractical, causing you to make the same
 	mistakes over and over again.  People think you are stupid.
#BSD%Arbitrary systems, pl.n.:
 	Systems about which nothing general can be said, save "nothing
 general can be said."
#BSD%ARCHDUKE FERDINAND FOUND ALIVE --
     FIRST WORLD WAR A MISTAKE
#BSD%Are you a turtle?
#BSD%Are you a turtle?
#BSD%"Arguments with furniture are rarely productive."
 		-- Kehlog Albran, "The Profit"
#BSD%ARIES (Mar 21 - Apr 19)
 	You are the pioneer type and hold most people in contempt.  You
 	are quick tempered, impatient, and scornful of advice.  You are
 	not very nice.
#BSD%Arithmetic is being able to count up to twenty without taking off your
 shoes.
 		-- Mickey Mouse
#BSD%Armadillo:
 	To provide weapons to a Spanish pickle
#BSD%Arnold's Laws of Documentation:
 	(1) If it should exist, it doesn't.
 	(2) If it does exist, it's out of date.
 	(3) Only documentation for useless programs transcends the
 	    first two laws.
#BSD%Around computers it is difficult to find the correct unit of time to
 measure progress.  Some cathedrals took a century to complete.  Can you
 imagine the grandeur and scope of a program that would take as long?
 		-- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982
#BSD%Art is anything you can get away with.
 		-- Marshall McLuhan.
#BSD%Art is either plagiarism or revolution.
 		-- Paul Gauguin
#BSD%Arthur's Laws of Love:
 	(1) People to whom you are attracted invariably think you
 	    remind them of someone else.
 	(2) The love letter you finally got the courage to send will be
 	    delayed in the mail long enough for you to make a fool of
 	    yourself in person.
#BSD%Artistic ventures highlighted.  Rob a museum.
#BSD%As a professional humorist, I often get letters from readers who are
 interested in the basic nature of humor.  "What kind of a sick
 perverted disgusting person are you," these letters typically ask,
 "that you make jokes about setting fire to a goat?" ...
 		-- Dave Barry, "Why Humor is Funny"
#BSD%As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not
 certain, and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality.
 		-- Albert Einstein
#BSD%As far as we know, our computer has never had an undetected error.
 		-- Weisert
#BSD%As I was going up Punch Card Hill,
 	Feeling worse and worser,
 There I met a C.R.T.
 	And it drop't me a cursor.
 
 C.R.T., C.R.T.,
 	Phosphors light on you!
 If I had fifty hours a day
 	I'd spend them all at you.
 
 		-- Uncle Colonel's Cursory Rhymes
#BSD%As I was passing Project MAC,
 I met a Quux with seven hacks.
 Every hack had seven bugs;
 Every bug had seven manifestations;
 Every manifestation had seven symptoms.
 Symptoms, manifestations, bugs, and hacks,
 How many losses at Project MAC?
#BSD%As long as I am mayor of this city [Jersey City, New Jersey] the great
 industries are secure.  We hear about constitutional rights, free
 speech and the free press.  Every time I hear these words I say to
 myself, "That man is a Red, that man is a Communist".  You never hear a
 real American talk like that.
 		-- Frank Hague (1896-1956)
#BSD%As long as the answer is right, who cares if the question is wrong?
#BSD%As long as war is regarded as wicked, it will always have its
 fascination.  When it is looked upon as vulgar, it will cease to be
 popular.
 		-- Oscar Wilde
#BSD%As of next week, passwords will be entered in Morse code.
#BSD%"As part of the conversion, computer specialists rewrote 1,500
 programs; a process that traditionally requires some debugging."
 		--- USA Today, referring to the IRS switchover to a new
 		    computer system.
#BSD%As soon as we started programming, we found to our surprise that it
 wasn't as easy to get programs right as we had thought.  Debugging had
 to be discovered.  I can remember the exact instant when I realized
 that a large part of my life from then on was going to be spent in
 finding mistakes in my own programs.
 		-- Maurice Wilkes discovers debugging, 1949
#BSD%As the poet said, "Only God can make a tree" -- probably because it's
 so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
 		-- Woody Allen
#BSD%As the trials of life continue to take their toll, remember that there
 is always a future in Computer Maintenance.
 		-- National Lampoon, "Deteriorata"
#BSD%As Will Rogers would have said, "There is no such things as a free
 variable."
#BSD%As with most fine things, chocolate has its season.  There is a simple
 memory aid that you can use to determine whether it is the correct time
 to order chocolate dishes: any month whose name contains the letter A,
 E, or U is the proper time for chocolate.
 		-- Sandra Boynton, "Chocolate: The Consuming Passion"
#BSD%As you know, birds do not have sexual organs because they would
 interfere with flight.  [In fact, this was the big breakthrough for the
 Wright Brothers.  They were watching birds one day, trying to figure
 out how to get their crude machine to fly, when suddenly it dawned on
 Wilbur.  "Orville," he said, "all we have to do is remove the sexual
 organs!"  You should have seen their original design.]  As a result,
 birds are very, very difficult to arouse sexually.  You almost never
 see an aroused bird.  So when they want to reproduce, birds fly up and
 stand on telephone lines, where they monitor telephone conversations
 with their feet.  When they find a conversation in which people are
 talking dirty, they grip the line very tightly until they are both
 highly aroused, at which point the female gets pregnant.
 		-- Dave Barry, "Sex and the Single Amoeba: What Every
 		   Teen Should Know"
#BSD%As you reach for the web, a venomous spider appears.  Unable to pull
 your hand away in time, the spider promptly, but politely, bites you.
 The venom takes affect quickly causing your lips to turn plaid along
 with your complexion.  You become dazed, and in your stupor you fall
 from the limbs of the tree.  Snap!  Your head falls off and rolls all
 over the ground.  The instant before you croak, you hear the whoosh of
 a vacuum being filled by the air surrounding your head.  Worse yet, the
 spider is suing you for damages.
#BSD%As Zeus said to Narcissus, "Watch yourself."
#BSD%ASHes to ASHes, DOS to DOS.
#BSD%Ask five economists and you'll get five different explanations (six if
 one went to Harvard).
 		-- Edgar R. Fiedler
#BSD%Ask not for whom the <CONTROL-G> tolls.
#BSD%Ask Not for whom the Bell Tolls, and You will Pay only the
 Station-to--Station rate.
#BSD%Ask not for whom the telephone bell tolls ... if thou art in the
 bathtub, it tolls for thee.
#BSD%Ask your boss to reconsider -- it's so difficult to take "Go to hell"
 for an answer.
#BSD%"Asked by reporters about his upcoming marriage to a forty-two-year-old
 woman, director Roman Polanski told reporters, `The way I look at it,
 she's the equivalent of three fourteen-year-olds.'"
 		-- David Letterman
#BSD%Ass, n.:
 	The masculine of "lass".
#BSD%Associate with well-mannered persons and your manners will improve.
 Run with decent folk and your own decent instincts will be
 strengthened.  Keep the company of bums and you will become a bum.
 Hang around with rich people and you will end by picking up the check
 and dying broke.
 		-- Stanley Walker
#BSD%At a recent meeting in Snowmass, Colorado, a participant from Los
 Angeles fainted from hyperoxygenation, and we had to hold his head
 under the exhaust of a bus until he revived.
#BSD%At any given moment, an arrow must be either where it is or where it is
 not.  But obviously it cannot be where it is not.  And if it is where
 it is, that is equivalent to saying that it is at rest.
 		-- Zeno's paradox of the moving (still?) arrow
#BSD%At Group L, Stoffel oversees six first-rate programmers, a managerial
 challenge roughly comparable to herding cats.
 		-- The Washington Post Magazine, June 9, 1985
#BSD%... at least I thought I was dancing, 'til somebody stepped on my hand.
 		-- J. B. White
#BSD%"At least they're ___________EXPERIENCED incompetents"
#BSD%At no time is freedom of speech more precious than when a man hits his
 thumb with a hammer.
 		-- Marshall Lumsden
#BSD%At the source of every error which is blamed on the computer you will
 find at least two human errors, including the error of blaming it on
 the computer.
#BSD%Atlanta makes it against the law to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole
 or street lamp.
#BSD%Atlee is a very modest man.  And with reason.
 		-- Winston Churchill
#BSD%Authors (and perhaps columnists) eventually rise to the top of whatever
 depths they were once able to plumb.
 		-- Stanley Kaufman
#BSD%Automobile, n.:
 	A four-wheeled vehicle that runs up hills and down
 	pedestrians.
#BSD%Avoid Quiet and Placid persons unless you are in Need of Sleep.
 		-- National Lampoon, "Deteriorata"
#BSD%Avoid reality at all costs.
#BSD%"Avoid revolution or expect to get shot.  Mother and I will grieve, but
 we will gladly buy a dinner for the National Guardsman who shot you."
 		-- Dr. Paul Williamson, father of a Kent State student
#BSD%Bacchus, n.:
 	A convenient deity invented by the ancients as an excuse for
 	getting drunk.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
#BSD%Bagbiter:
 	1. n.; Equipment or program that fails, usually
 intermittently.  2. adj.:  Failing hardware or software.  "This
 bagbiting system won't let me get out of spacewar."  Usage: verges on
 obscenity.  Grammatically separable; one may speak of "biting the
 bag".  Synonyms: LOSER, LOSING, CRETINOUS, BLETCHEROUS, BARFUCIOUS,
 CHOMPER, CHOMPING.
#BSD%Bagdikian's Observation:
 	Trying to be a first-rate reporter on the average American
 	newspaper is like trying to play Bach's "St. Matthew Passion"
 	on a ukelele.
#BSD%Baker's First Law of Federal Geometry:
 	A block grant is a solid mass of money surrounded on all sides
 	by governors.
#BSD%Ban the bomb.  Save the world for conventional warfare.
#BSD%Banectomy, n.:
 	The removal of bruises on a banana.
 		-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
#BSD%Bank error in your favor.  Collect $200.
#BSD%Barach's Rule:
 	An alcoholic is a person who drinks more than his own
 	physician.
#BSD%Bare feet magnetize sharp metal objects so they point upward from the
 floor -- especially in the dark.
#BSD%Barometer, n.:
 	An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we
 	are having.
 		-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
#BSD%Barth's Distinction:
 	There are two types of people: those who divide people into two
 	types, and those who don't.
#BSD%Baruch's Observation:
 	If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.
#BSD%Baseball is a skilled game.  It's America's game -- it, and high
 taxes.
 		-- Will Rogers
#BSD%Basic is a high level languish.
 APL is a high level anguish.
#BSD%"BASIC is the Computer Science equivalent of `Scientific Creationism'."
#BSD%Basic, n.:
 	A programming language.  Related to certain social diseases in
 	that those who have it will not admit it in polite company.
#BSD%Bathquake, n.:
 	The violent quake that rattles the entire house when the water
 	faucet is turned on to a certain point.
 		-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
#BSD%Be a better psychiatrist and the world will beat a psychopath to your
 door.
#BSD%BE ALERT!!!!  (The world needs more lerts ...)
#BSD%Be assured that a walk through the ocean of most Souls would scarcely
 get your Feet wet.  Fall not in Love, therefore: it will stick to your
 face.
 		-- National Lampoon, "Deteriorata"
#BSD%Be braver -- you can't cross a chasm in two small jumps.
#BSD%Be careful of reading health books, you might die of a misprint.
 		-- Mark Twain
#BSD%Be different: conform.
#BSD%Be free and open and breezy!  Enjoy!  Things won't get any better so
 get used to it.
#BSD%Be security conscious -- National defense is at stake.
#BSD%Be wary of strong drink.  It can make you shoot at tax collectors and
 miss
 		-- Lazarus Long, "Time Enough for Love"
#BSD%Bees are very busy souls
 They have no time for birth controls
 And that is why in times like these
 There are so many Sons of Bees.
#BSD%	Before he became a hermit, Zarathud was a young Priest, and
 took great delight in making fools of his opponents in front of his
 followers.
 	One day Zarathud took his students to a pleasant pasture and
 there he confronted The Sacred Chao while She was contentedly grazing.
 	"Tell me, you dumb beast," demanded the Priest in his
 commanding voice, "why don't you do something worthwhile?  What is your
 Purpose in Life, anyway?"
 	Munching the tasty grass, The Sacred Chao replied "MU".  (The
 Chinese ideogram for NO-THING.)
 	Upon hearing this, absolutely nobody was enlightened.
 	Primarily because nobody understood Chinese.
 		-- Camden Benares, "Zen Without Zen Masters"
#BSD%Before Xerox, five carbons were the maximum extension of anybody's
 ego.
#BSD%Begathon, n.:
 	A multi-day event on public television, used to raise money so
 you won't have to watch commercials.
#BSD%Behold the warranty ... the bold print giveth and the fine print taketh
 away.
#BSD%Beifeld's Principle:
 	The probability of a young man meeting a desirable and
 	receptive young female increases by pyramidal progression when
 	he is already in the company of: (1) a date, (2) his wife, (3)
 	a better looking and richer male friend.
#BSD%"Being disintegrated makes me ve-ry an-gry!"  <huff, huff>
#BSD%"Being disintegrated makes me ve-ry an-gry!" <huff, huff>
#BSD%Bell Labs Unix -- Reach out and grep someone.
#BSD%Bennett's Laws of Horticulture:
 	(1) Houses are for people to live in.
 	(2) Gardens are for plants to live in.
 	(3) There is no such thing as a houseplant.
#BSD%"Benson, you are so free of the ravages of intelligence"
 		-- Time Bandits
#BSD%Besides the device, the box should contain:
 
 * Eight little rectangular snippets of paper that say "WARNING"
 
 * A plastic packet containing four 5/17 inch pilfer grommets and two
   club-ended 6/93 inch boxcar prawns.
 
 YOU WILL NEED TO SUPPLY: a matrix wrench and 60,000 feet of tram
 cable.
 
 IF ANYTHING IS DAMAGED OR MISSING: You IMMEDIATELY should turn to your
 spouse and say: "Margaret, you know why this country can't make a car
 that can get all the way through the drive-through at Burger King
 without a major transmission overhaul?  Because nobody cares, that's
 why."
 
 WARNING: This is assuming your spouse's name is Margaret.
 		-- Dave Barry, "Read This First!"
#BSD%better !pout !cry
 better watchout
 lpr why
 santa claus <north pole >town
 
 cat /etc/passwd >list
 ncheck list 
 ncheck list
 cat list | grep naughty >nogiftlist
 cat list | grep nice >giftlist
 santa claus <north pole > town
 
 who | grep sleeping
 who | grep awake
 who | egrep 'bad|good'
 for (goodness sake) {
 	be good
 }
##
